Nostalgia of childhood

Hey

Writing you after so long time. I was all busy with tour and project work, went to Dhanbad in coal mining area for the questionnaire and survey. Then there was big hectic family issue and I stopped for caring all matters of concerns. My brother-in-law was hospitalised for serious liver problems, he ate lobster for the first time and had serious stomach ache. Now he is better.

Today I talked to my elder cousin sister Vandana di and she talked about my childhood and all fun we had during that time especially summer of '99, when she got married. She reminded me of one funny incident when she came to Patna first time in the year 1997, I think. I don't remember exactly but I was in the St. Karens School and the television serial Shaktiman was going to start. I was kind of rolling the Tulsi leaves and some ingredients on the Siloti (traditional Indian mixer) and when she asked that what I was doing then I replied that I am doing research for medicine purpose. I don't remember that but hearing that really bewildered me for long period of time. I still can't believe this that I said that, really it blow me up.

Man! research really that was to big to say for 8 year kid. This showed that I had always some penchant for something big. I always had that enthusiasm but eventually it dropped with every year. I tried but in wrong direction, I didn't had right vision. Once I thought myself to be working for Archaeological Survey of India in class V. I had this interest till Class VIII. I was reading big fat history book of my sister. It was of class VIII of ICSE board and was pretty thick. I read many times and medieval world history really enthralled me. I once asked my history teacher Miss Anshima Singh about entry to ASI and she was astounded by my interest because all student was suppose to hate history, but I found interesting. All the names and year really made me happy. But I didn't know what I was up to.

Looking back to 1997, I should have focussed myself in medicine field, or becoming doctor or something. This family really miss doctor. The responsible and honourable job with conviction.

As the old Nietzsche said "Conviction is more dangerous enemies of truth than lies". So, I had to be sure enough my visceral choice, even a small hunch before turning them in conviction, once it is done then there is no looking back, you have to stand on it and eventually it becomes your compulsion and later you regret. The fear never lets you move forward and takes you one step back. Whatever you do or become always stand for truth. 

On a Train!

Hey Diary

Blogging on the train. I am on my way to Kolkata. It has been good journey overall. Many expectation from this tour as I am on my way of Graduation Project. I am planning to go to Dhanbad for conducting the questionnaire. Then I am gonna approach Amrit Exports all on my own.

The things is that if I put too much pressure on myself then it could really blow me off. The point is to keep all clean and not be so insolence in my deed. I just felt some supreme power and really was oppressed but silence really bring magic in mind. I really don't talk much on train, I don't know how to continue the conversation as I could really go deep. It concerns me that am I boring them. Yeah too concerning dork I am. So at last she end me calling Bhaiya. Funny!!
The End

Referee

I am so happy to be the referee for soccer match in 2 matches. It was great experience overall. Wearing the T-Shirt quoting "Respect All Fear None" whistling every time when required with sense of responsibility on my head. I am decider, a decision maker felt really overwhelmed and honoured to do so. It's one of few very moments when you want to dance and prance with joy, so excruciating.
It makes me believe as living entity who have his will power and can jump jauntily with no such illusion. The man not self-proclaimed but being the heart and centre of the crowd.

The leadership quality surely developed with this experience. When in doubt about yourself, just remember the time like this and you will be confident enough to fight with all self-pettiness, doubt and weakness within yourself. The internal factor ruin more than external so always be rational.

I laughed and laughed with no sense of worry, living the moment with joie-de-vivre. I will cherish such moment and time. Sure more such days will come, every moment every day. They haunt they hunt so only way to overcome them is set yourself free from all.

I couldn't sleep whole night well as the uncanny dream and stuff keeps me awake suddenly I realise that I am 24 and just few years left before starting new life, if you know what I mean. Just make it right one time just one time. I want to make this happen and I want to have that sense of belief in myself. There are many way and selecting pure and sure path sans hallucination or confusion, nope not this time never. The man standing and deserve to be bless with encomium and lifting up the moral to highest pinnacle can only be reached with alacrity and altruism. I was referee and I will always imbibe this in life.

Amen!

The Self Pity Bastard

I never saw a wild thing
sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself.

-D.H Lawrence

The human has so intensively indulge in being sorry for the all himself. The shenanigans and then later a big regret. Getting involved in own so much that he forgets to evolve to a new forms which he ought to do. Transforming in the constructive way that's what a human are capable of, but it's so pity that they don't even realise.

We are a social animal and unfortunately we got brains to think it all over and over again. The redundancy is self-created and once it get activated then it could destruct the whole wisdom. The animals are better than us, because they don't have to think, they live every moment, they are phlegmatic to the upcoming consequences. They have the short life, well mostly and no self-pity for one self.

The childhood is best period as they are more audacious, puerile, independent of all. The fumble or jumble which they exhibit is totally ridicule and perfunctory. It's like they have got some prerogative to do such things. But once they grow old as teenager they get totally disillusioned. The right and wrong path overlap and things get messed up. Nobody can tolerate the tantrums of teenager as they have lost the license to be joie de vivre. Then people make them realise that they are wrong. The traumatic conditions continues and very minor chance to revamp. But he gets easily digressed. And once the last year of being teen passed- the age of nineteen, he start learning the art of self-pity. He finds pity excuse for all upbringing and anxiety. With every fall he tries to convalesce, but all in vain. The charm is lost forever as he end up becoming Self-pity bastard!!

A deep insight inside

The modicum of enchanting enlightens the enigma, when the thoughts provokes the genre belief. The man is out of wisdom when he is distraught and distracted. That he shouldn't be, a blockhead which is out of curiosity and neither move forward nor backward. He stays but not at the right perspective, the wanders somewhere else and he squeeze himself out and later implodes like he never existed before.

The time has come to interact with oneself, deeply swim inside and know what a marvellous human being you are, remember to be far-far away from all the opulent ostentation as it ruins all the beauty. The spirit bestow upon you and this isn't the bloody game. This is life and you get one chance consciously, with total adherence of nature law which run this entire universe and beyond.

Why to go so far when you can trace everything inside! The entire cast and crew what you looking for is in you, just pick one, choice is yours. It's that what you can constructively built for yourself. It's not the favour or self-pity on one-self, it's the connection with utmost unknown. It looks more beautiful when you are in full control and not bounded by any such extraneous and insidious trap. It's free from everything without any forms. This is a deep insight.

 

The Mystic

Terrified, mortified, petrified by all sudden changes. This uncanny mysticism won't let me be normal. It unravels all my entire self. The puerile thought again after so long time, curious and dreaded up next. There is lots of thing running in the mind. It may get cremated before the explosion thus without revealing the truth.

Since, childhood I was so much dipped in those mysticism. For instances, the death of Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose. It year 1997, when I was 7 year old and I came across the great personality. I wondered about his death. Then I asked all the elders, friends but didn't got answer. Then few days later I was lost in my own childhood world. Then after few year I came to know about the conspiracy theory about him.

Why do people creates propaganda? Why are we so bigot? Why are we so hypocrite? These all puzzles me, and scares me. The pyre is being set up and there I go for salvation. It's time to unravel all mysticism otherwise I will be haunted for rest of my life.

Clear the head and freshness shall persist forever. A new vibe with every charms of query. To be specific and quenching all adversaries.

Uh! It's never too Late

Dear Diary

What's the purpose of our life? We never get this into our head until we get banged by the remote ostensible moron of our own-the mind. We have that shit in our head for prolonged period of time and we fucking don't even realise. That's why they keep saying that It's never too late, and such quote meant to motivate you but still the fucking mind take into other shit. We easily get manipulated like a fucking retard.

The time comes when you rise one next morning and realise Oh! shit what the fuck I have been doing since childhood. All day since I was whining like a baby and all complaining and also that traumatic tantrum, now you see it's getting hefty and you can't even lift your own weight and dissolute in your own wisdom.

Appreciate the life mothafucker! Not everyone is born with silver spoon. You gotta rise on your own. And don't fucking beg me saying again "It's never too late". The cliché- uh!! good for merely making sarcastic remark, it's doesn't fucking look good when you are sober.